April 10, Wednesday

Have you guys heard the latest about the Yard? Well guess what? IIIIttttttssss ttttiiiiiimmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! You know it! It’s going down tomorrow, in the morning! The Yardies will unite under the umbrella of awesomeness and lay the proverbial smack down on the Yardage! Come one, come all, to the coolest time you’ll have tomorrow between the hours of 0830 and well, when we have stopped yardalating! Yeah it’s a word! Sean Night Star Norton had said it was! Hey, while I’m on the subject of awesomeness! If you haven’t seen Ken Larson’s AP wire pic he created, you, A, have not lived, B, have not laughed that hard lately, C, there really is no c, and D, haven’t experienced the Yard Korean connection!
 
Tomorrow morning, you know the time! And say what!? Thursday morning too! A twofer! And, a special treat tomorrow, if she drags her bones outa bed in time! The Spider monkey herself, aka Sweetie alabaster, aka, DJ Gweezy B, you know her as the Little Shim Sham, and as Nurse Steel Hammer! Char charcharbinks Smith will quite possibly be in attendance tomorrow! So come out and lay your own personal smack down on the yard! It builds character, it builds strength, it builds confidence, it may even build bridges! I don’t know, I guess bridges of friendship, or you know bridges that make people come together in a way that sort of. Look, I really lost momentum on the bridge thing. But you come out tomorrow any way! Come out and what? Oh you know….. Put your name on it! Walt

April 4, Thursday

AAwwwww yeah! If you’re receiving this email all of a sudden. I thought you might be interested in getting your swole on at the Yard! That being said!………….. Its time! Time for the most electrifying, prolific, awe inspiring email that is like a bomb of awesomeness in your in-box ready to possess your soul to come to the yard and sweat with your brethren! That’s right Yard Warrior nation, the king of run on sentences, poor grammar, and ridiculously awesome nick names is here, that’s me by the way, to tell you how and why you should come to the yard tomorrow morning and enjoy your but off! First off, why would you not come to the yard? Can you possibly even imagine how much fun you would partake in if you were to come out and um, um well partake! Look, you know what I mean.
 
You can ignore the fact that famous scientists have all endorsed the Yard, and even that Von Leuwenhoek postulated that the earth revolved around the Yard. You can ignore the fact that dentists recommend the Yard. I spoke personally to your, everyone’s, personal care physician and he, they, all recommend you go to the yard! You’ll get an email from him soon, trust me! Look, you can’t get too caught up in facts, and actual possibilities of me speaking to dead famous people or your doctor. You ask way too many questions! Don’t think too far in to it. You just do as I say and I as I do, come to the yard and all your dreams will come true. Assuming your dreams are to get in shape and have the awesome fellowship of your fellow yard warriors. Of course those are your dreams. Summers coming! You know what that means! That’s right it gets hot in here, so take off all your inhibitions and swing on by the best workout area ever haphazardly slapped together by myself and other yardies!
 
Today, in his second appearance, Big money Rob Yarger, aka the Yargmeister, came out and crushed it! Janelle Heavy hands Boone was on hand, and a throw back, The night star himself Shoeless Sean Norton, and another new comer, but not new to the ways of a beat down of a work out, Wild Will Adams, aka Chilly Will, aka  the New Mexico kid, aka Will Fists O Fury Adams was on hand today to sling a monkey kettle bell. If you haven’t seen it, you haven’t been to the Yard face book page on that devil on a wire, the computer! I know that means taking time out from watching adorable cat videos and pooping monkey videos, but check it out if you have a moment!
 
Tomorrow morning, at or about 0830, come out and enjoy all the fellowship, and camaraderie you can stand. You’ll be a better person for it, and start your day in a positive way. then you can pay that positive vibe forward to others and then that’s how the world gets to be a better place! That’s how you can make a difference every day. Did I mention you get to throw punches at my face!? Everybody really seems to love that one! Come out, work out, and as always, Put Your Name On It!!!! W

April 3, Wednesday

So weds morning maybe bright, maybe early. Actually at or about 0830ish, rain or shine, and any other this and that’s that correlate or convey that we’re working out, you know what I mean! Weds the yard will once again spool up and make you a healthier, happier person. Assuming you come out and enjoy the sweetest little slice of workout heaven you’ve seen in at least the last day or so! And don’t forget punching me in the tummy tums! Given recent events, pun intended, I would think that part would be more popular than ever. But, whatever gets your milk shake to the yard! And if you got that reference and that song is now in your head, you are very welcome! So come out, be a part of something bigger than all of us, enjoy fun, fitness, brother/ sisterhood and the low grade nausea of pushing yourself a little harder than usual! I’ll be bringing all the club bells and if that weren’t enough, the new monkey kettle bell. If you haven’t seen it, ask Bob lights out Luddy about it! Bob was recently quoted as saying,” that monkey kettle bell is cool as the other side of the pillow!” That very kettle bell will be there for your slinging pleasure! Weds and! You know it a repeat on Thursday morning! Say what!? Two days in row to…… You know…. You member! Member? Put your name on it! Walt

April 1, Monday

Hello yard warrior nation! So I won’t be at the yard today. My schedule has changed, but not my commitment to our collective fitness and the sweet, sweet smell of camaraderie and fellowship! This week and next it will be weds and Thursday morning, at about 0830ish! See you then!

March 28, Thursday

No, it’s not peanut butter jelly time! It’s time for the most prolific email you‘ll read in the next 2 to 5 minutes. Aw yeah! It’s time for the yard email to be in your life! Conversely it’s time for you to visit said yard and get your swole on! Look, you know summers just around some corner somewhere, and what better way to ring in the central Texas summer than with a fun filled exciting trip to the sweetest little workout area that you’ll ever sweat on! Yeah, it’s that great! You know why? Cause you being there makes it great.  But, Walt I haven’t been there yet, you say! What should I wear? What should I do? How long is it? Will refreshments be made available to me? First, you ask way too many questions! Second, you should not worry your pretty little head about any of that! What you should absolutely worry about is that you haven’t been out to enjoy the sweet, sweet benefits of the Yard.
 
Look I’m not gonna sit here and tell you how Nicola Tesla, Albert Einstein, and George Washington Carver all have given glowing endorsements of the Yard. Never mind the fact that George Lucas has stated publicly that the Yard was his inspiration for the Star Wars saga and Indiana Jones! It’s true! But do you know what’s even more important than bizarre arcane facts that I can’t possibly prove?! You, coming to the Yard! All roads lead to the Yard! In fact, if you park your car on those train tracks in San Antonio, where the ghost kids are supposed to push you off the tracks, they now push you straight to the yard! Try it if you don’t believe me!
 
Still not convinced?! Where else are you gonna enjoy the camaraderie of your fellow Yardies, the yard warriors, here to fore known as the yard warrior nation! We do cool, fun weird exorcises, sling cannon balls, and whip around battle ropes! Then you get to try and punch me in the face and or tummy! Why does everyone seem to like that exorcise so much? Especially char! Hmmmmm. Any way, if you come out to the Yard tomorrow, you know what you’ll have? Fun! Who doesn’t wanna have fun? Even if you don’t intend on having fun, it still happens! The yard is like an infectious disease that gets inside you and takes over the areas of your brain responsible for fun and fellowship, frivolity and……. other words that begin with an f representing enjoyment of something. Huh, I wonder why it’s only words with F. You’d think that other words would be useful to the yard as well. I mean once it’s In your brain and all. It just seems that it would just kind of make you wanna work out. You ever see the Manchurian Candidate, kind of like that but with working out instead of being president. You know what; I’ll get back to you on the yard disease thing. I think quite possibly I ran the bucket down the well and it came up empty on that one. At any rate I’ll iron the details on how the Yard will infect you later.  All you gotta do is show up! When? I’m glad you asked! Tomorrow! Tomorrow you will come to the yard and……………….. Wait for it!………….. Put your name on it! At or about 0830. You know the place! Come get you some! Walt

March 22, Friday

Impromptu yard workout in the morning! 0830! Listen to me! Go to the yard, go to the yard! You like the yard. These are not the droids you’re looking for. You will put your name on it. At the yard…..

***Update***

Yard called called due to rainy rain! Monday morning though! On the reg!

March 21, Thursday

Oh yeah, oh yeah! The Yard! The yard is a calling. So Janelle, you may know her as Heavy hands Boone, or you may know her as the One Woman wrecking crew, either way we were talking about just putting it out there that the two, count’em two official Yard days will be Mondays and Thursdays. Now that’s not to say you won’t continue to receive my special brand of prose via this here computer box! It will also not stop me from absolutely eviscerating the grammar or language rules of English. Not mention more catch phrases, nick names, and general Yard buffoonery. Look, everyone likes a little buffoonery right?! That’s a rhetorical question by the way! You like buffoonery, tom foolery, and general shenaniganery! Member when you had said that?
 
Also, if you get a chance, stop by 17, err I mean the Yard and check out the new club bells. I left them there for folks to check out. Curiously enough we’ll be slinging, flinging, and flailing them tomorrow morning at or about 0830. There is really no better training for the Zombie Apocalypse than swinging steel clubs around for fun and profit, and by profit I mean you will profit physically!
 
So there you have it! The yard needs your sweat to stay alive! It waits there loving you from afar. Don’t make the Yards love go unrequited. Do not repudiate your love for it! Instead look in to the Yards eyes and feel its warm embrace. Know that the Yard is there for you. Come out and be the marshmallow in the smore that is the yard! The fig in the Yard newton, the custard in the Krispy Kreme doughnut, the thing that is inside whatever other thing that is good and you want to be a part of. Sure I can’t really produce a cogent simile here, or would that be a metaphor, no, no I think a simile. Either way go to the Yard, do the work, feel better, look better, talk about comparing and contrasting the working out to Quantum physics, punch me in tummy tums! Sweet lord what more could one ask for? All this excitement can be had for free ya’ll! Free! If you’re not completely satisfied I will gladly refund your price of admission. Nuthin from nuthin leaves nuthin; you gotta have sumthin, if you hit the Yard! If you just sang that last sentence once you read and realized what it was, you are already on your way to awesomeness! See you tomorrow. Come out and put your name on it! Walt

March 18, Monday

You know what time it is hoss and hosses! The Yard email is back! Short and sweet cause calls need a runnin, and grammer is on the back burner! Tomorrow morning, it’s going down at the place you all love to love, The Yard! 0830ish barring any beatings laid upon me from M28 tonight! I see you Theresa Peery, no call, no show, no good missy! We’re building a fighting force of extraordinary magnitude! Everybody come out and join the fiasco that is the Yard. But like all fiascos, it’s fun. I won’t go on and on about how the yard links us all together in an invisible energy field, or how I correlate it to Quantum entanglement, no sir! You just know it feels good, you look good, and we all get on our high horse of camaraderie together! You, yeah, you! Come on out and get your proverbial swerve, swagger, or groove on! Summers coming! You know it! We all wanna strut our stuff, high steppin our fine selves down to Florida like Travis Tritt! It starts at the Yard! Everyone wants to be buff, nobody wants to slang these heavy kettle bells! Yeah! Slang! Save your, “you might be a redneck jokes”, Foxworthy’s net worth is 55 million. See you tomorrow yard Warrior nation. Be there or be obtuse! Come out and put your name on it!  Walt